


You're the only one I see

by stellations



Series: Out of the Blue [3]
Category: Sanctuary (TV)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Episode: s03e19 Out Of The Blue, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-06-08 17:20:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6865942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellations/pseuds/stellations
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title: "Stupid" by Sarah McLachlan</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title: "Stupid" by Sarah McLachlan

She had forgotten what it was like. 

This was the first time she had gone out in months, perhaps even years. Helen had lost count. It felt nice, though, to be out and about again. She was at a lavish hotel for the weekend with Nikola, an artist's convention. Somehow, it felt right, being here with him at a convention they could both share. It was almost like the good old days, back before anything had happened.

At least until she caught sight of a very familiar bald head down the hallway. He hadn't seen her or he would have stopped by now. But he was crossing the hall, from one door to the next, and she had plenty of time to duck back into her room. Nikola followed, clearly looking worried, and as he placed a hand against her back, she turned to bury her head against his shoulder.

"What did you see?" he asked, his arms lifting to hold her.

Unable to put words to anything, she shook her head. Some days she could yell about him, rant to her friends and Nikola in particular about what awful thing John had done this time. Other days, she couldn't even force anything past her lungs, as a black hole sucked everything out. This day was the latter. 

Nikola's hand rubbed up and down her back. Eventually, she pulled back and that was when she realized that they were no longer alone. John stood there, watching the scene with a mix of interest and annoyance. Fear laced through Helen and her eyes widened, though somehow she resisted taking a step back. Her mind hyper-focused on John and Nikola faded from her view. All she could see was her ex-husband, the man who had so controlled and beaten her life and very soul apart. 

For far too long, she stood frozen in place, her breath caught somewhere in the back of her throat. 

"Helen?"

Air hissed out between her lips in a rush, quiet but shaking with barely controlled anger fueled by intense fear. "Get out."

He took a step forward. Her fear flared, catching her lungs in its iron, vice-like grip and holding her captive.

"Get out, _get out_ , GET OUT!" she shrieked, her voice rising in pitch and intensity the closer he came. She wanted to throw something, wanted to hit him, wanted him to leave her alone and get out of her life. Even though she kept screaming and screaming, even though a part of her was proud of herself for having the strength to fight back, the fear nearly choked her and her breaths came shallow and fast. 

He would not take her, would not take her, _would not have her_.

Helen's eyes snapped open, her body flailing against the metal bar stuck in her throat, until she finally rolled herself and her sheets onto the floor. The screaming stopped suddenly and she gave a cry of pain as she landed hard on her back. With the wind knocked out of her, all she could do was cry, let the tears fall where her words had stood previously. Nothing was all right, not when her mind pulled up a scenario that could so easily be real.

She spent the rest of the day jumping at both shadows and light, unable to keep herself from breaking into tears at every little thing. No matter what she did, no matter how many cups of tea she shoved down her throat, she could still feel him near her. He hadn't touched her, had only spoken words and hadn't even been real, but she could still feel the emotions and see him like he had been real.

Like he had walked back into her life yet again, even after promising he never would. 

After sending off texts to Nigel, Nikola, James, and Ranna asking them to please be careful and don't take unnecessary risks today or ever, she curled up on her couch with her cat and tried to rest. Or at least close her eyes and block everything out. She couldn't stand to see his face, but she was too afraid to sleep.

Even in dreams, he had control of her, still stalked her every move. 

She had forgotten what safety was like.


	2. Turns Out It Was Nothing But A Pipe Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from "Expectations" by Three Days Grace

In hindsight, she should have expected this.

After giving them all reason to worry about her via text, she should have expected that they would all turn up to bother her. Nikola was the first, letting himself into her house with the spare key. Admittedly, she wasn't too upset by his sudden appearance. He was the easiest to deal with, especially now. The most he would do would be tease her rather than push about why she had sent him that cryptic and worrying message. She could handle that.

The new way he had taken of smirking at her since the night she had kissed him changed all of the rules between them. 

Normally, she would have kept everyone at arm's length after something like this, would have kept everyone from touching her to give herself some sort of respite. Today felt different somehow. The moment Nikola strode towards her, she was on her feet, unaware of the moment his arms slipped around her and her fingers tangled in his short hair. A small part of her was sure that he would bruise her lips again -- the last time she had seen James, he had questioned her about the cause of her swollen lips; she hadn't answered -- and she welcomed it. Nikola was the perfect distraction, she thought, as she allowed herself to be lost in his kisses. His fingers slipped under the hem of her shirt, drawing out a shiver from Helen as he brushed against her skin. His teeth grazed that sensitive spot at her neck directly below her jaw and his hands began to work at the fabric between them.

A sharp knock at the door startled both of them so fully that they jumped visibly and sprang apart like they'd been burned. Helen must have bitten her lip; she was sure she tasted blood. Nikola scowled deeply, not that she could blame him at all. If the door wasn't between them and the stairs, she would be very tempted to take him up to her bedroom and ignore whoever had interrupted.

"Whoever that is better have a good reason for bothering us," Nikola snapped, pointing in the direction of the doorway like everything wrong with his life was its fault. 

Helen didn't comment; she simply tried to remember how to breathe, one hand clutching the fabric of her sweater over her heart as she sucked on air that didn't want to penetrate her lungs. Nikola must have realized that she was in no fit state to deal with other guests, as he vanished from sight around the corner. She could hear the door opening as her legs gave out and she slid to the floor on the opposite side of her living room. Back by her easel and painting supplies she hid, letting the voices at the door bury her and her panic.

"You're a real blockade, you know," Nikola commented in what she knew to be a sulking tone. He was as bitter as she was that they had been interrupted.

"Would you prefer that we left?" James' voice wafted down the air stream to Helen's ears, granting her some measure of relief that it wasn't John. She could deal with James today. Probably.

"Yes, actually."

"Too bad."

Were she in any other state, Helen would have laughed. She could almost see James pushing past Nikola and into the house, regardless of Nikola's personal feelings on being interrupted. But as James and Ranna moved into her line of sight, she heard the sharp intake of their breaths and squeezed her eyes shut to block it out. She was fine. She would be fine.

"Helen?" James breathed, making his way over to her and kneeling down in front of her. "Your lip is bleeding. What the devil happened to you?"

"Yes, well, that's what happens when you interrupt, Jimmy," Nikola replied smoothly, as though a bleeding lip was perfectly normal. "Your little greeting must have startled me so much that I bit her lip."

Helen cracked her eyes open to see James' reaction. Nikola's smirk was more than enough, though, and she felt herself slowly, slowly calming down. James looked as though someone had hit him with a crowbar. Helen watched the scene unfold as much as she could, wanting to immortalize the images in her mind so she could transfer them to canvas later. 

"In that case, I am _definitely_ staying to preserve Helen's honor," James finally replied, shrugging out of his coat and moving to hang it and Ranna's up on the coat rack by the door. 

"What about your lady's honor?" Nikola snapped, clearly more for show than actual feelings as he trailed behind James. "You're living together. I'd think you'd need a chaperone 24/7 by now." He folded his arms over his chest, as though daring James to argue.

James, of course, did and the entire affair turned into a bickering contest. Helen managed a watery sort of laugh before she pushed herself up off the floor. Ranna looked a bit lost with James arguing with Nikola in the corner, so Helen motioned for the former senator to join her by her easel. She wanted to immortalize the look of utter shock on James' face and the smirk on Nikola's. In doing so, perhaps she could bring Ranna into the world of artistry. Pulling up a stool for Ranna, Helen sat in her usual one, going over her usual process for a new painting. Drawing out the lineart, deciding on colors, figuring out where to start. Ranna listened easily, asking questions as she went, and by the time Nigel let himself in the back door -- he said he didn't want to deal with James and Nikola's bickering by the front door, which Helen could hardly blame him for -- Helen had her color palette chosen and the first one mixed. 

Noticing that someone else had come to interrupt -- Nikola made another loud complaint about never having time to himself -- James left the argument and settled in at the couch with his laptop and camera. Nikola brought out his sculpting equipment from the little corner of Helen's life that housed it all. Nigel had a sketchpad out for new tattoo designs. And Ranna simply watched as Helen's painting came to life. It was much better this way, Helen thought.

"So, do you want to tell me what that text was about this morning?" James asked conversationally as Helen stopped to mix up another color. Her hand twitched violently and she was very glad that she _hadn't_ been touching brush to canvas at that particular moment. Like as not, James had chosen his moment perfectly and precisely.

"It was just a nightmare," Helen replied, stirring together a nice blue for Nikola's eyes. 

"About John?"

Her hand faltered again and she nodded. "I'm sorry to worry you. I was just... it frightened me."

"Well... I'm glad you're all right."

No one else said anything, but she knew. She knew they cared, knew they were watching her, knew they were here to make sure nothing else had happened to her. They had grown so accustomed to bothering her for the sole purpose of distracting her and making sure that John wouldn't dare take them all on just to pester Helen. Some days she wished they could all take up residence in a house together again, just like the old days.

Her brush paused halfway to the canvas and she let it fall back to her palette as she considered that. If it wouldn't mean sacrificing so much of her alone time and kicking Nigel into fifth wheel position all the time...

The idea amused her, though, and her lips curled upwards into a small, secretive smile. Conversation cropped up again, bickering broke out between James and Nikola, mostly because Nikola refused to let James get away with having cockblocked him earlier and James was too much of a gentleman to call attention to it. Nigel eventually made threats to tattoo them in their sleep, effectively pulling him into the argument. Helen and Ranna eventually escaped to the kitchen to make tea and grin at each other, both pleased that the day had turned out so nicely. 

Helen realized with a start that she had grown used to having these people in her space again and perhaps, in hindsight, she should have expected that.


End file.
